Tambo, science graduate and southern hemispheric adventurer, is now an ambulance driver. He saves lives and thrashes publically-funded vehicles until they burn in spectacular infernos. I think.
He also enjoys writing letters - see here
I turned up early on Thursday, expecting to do some third manning. I was met by a paramedic (called Paul) who told me that someone had called in sick; therefore I was required on the road (for real). The cocoons in my stomach burst open and released butterflies, which began flying about. He put me at my ease by saying he wasn’t expecting me to know everything (good!!) and that he understood if I was all fingers and thumbs (and toes!!) when setting up equipment. We checked the equipment in the ambulance together, and then the day started…
After some waiting around, we were told to go to Kidlington (which has an ambulance base, like Adderbury). We got there. I had a cigarette. He told me how bad they are for me. I agreed. Then we were asked to go to Bicester ASAP. As we were driving en route, we got a job. It was at a GP’s surgery in Bicester. A guy was having breathing difficulties and his GP wanted him to go to hospital pronto (or stat). I had to do the drive on blue lights… this was my first real blue light drive… and I had no idea where I was going. Paul helped direct me. I kept thinking… ‘I’m doing a blue light drive for real’. The adrenalin was certainly flowing… which made the butterflies in my stomach reach Mach 3. We got to the surgery. Everyone who was sat in the waiting room was staring at us… which made me feel famous and awkward at the same time. We helped the guy into the ambulance and then (should have) made our way to the Horton hospital (in Banbury).
I got totally and utterly lost in Bicester. I couldn’t read the sat-nav to save my life (or anyone else’s!). I didn’t want to ask Paul (who was in the back with the patient) which way to go as I didn’t want the patient losing confidence in me. I managed to blag it for a few minutes… then I worked out how the sat-nav worked. I began following its directions, when Paul peered through the window to see we were still in Bicester. He told me to ignore the sat-nav (!!!), as it would only tell us to go via the motorway. The B4413 is the actual (and faster) route. I suddenly clicked as to where we were, and I got to the Horton hospital without any further incident, in 15 minutes!
After we dropped off the patient, we were told to go to Banbury ASAP. So we did. The Flintstones was on, so we watched a bit of that. Then we got a back-up call to Banbury. Another blue light drive! A technician, Marco, was there. The patient was rather ill. He was an unwashed 57-year-old, though he looked 80. His son had dialed 999 because his dad was very confused. I can verify this! The oxygen level in his body was 67% (when ideally it should be 100%, though anything between 95-100% is OK), and his blood sugar level was 54mol/L when it should be between 4 – 8mol/L. So his blood was like syrup really. He didn’t want to go to hospital… though after some gentle persuasion we got him into the ambulance (using a wheelchair – though we had to carry the chair (and him) down the stairs of his house). I did my first blue light drive with a patient in the back!
Another one down… lunch… more waiting… then a job to a self harmer. Another blue light drive (I was getting used to it by then), literally from one side of Banbury to the other… 12 minutes… not bad!!! Police were there (we never found out why). She had decided to slit her wrists in their presence… hence why we were called. She was drunk… and had a big bump on her head from the previous weeks drinking binge. The cuts on her arm (and there were many scars from previous ‘attempts’) were superficial… though we took her to the hospital as she was obviously a bit of a nutcase, and the lump on her head needed investigating…
We had one more job after that but it isn’t worth writing about… And that was my first REAL day. I came in Friday and was third manning again… which was a bit of a step back to be honest. I started properly (again) on 24th December.
I’ve now been on the road for over a month, so instead of writing daily updates, I’ll only write up some of the more interesting jobs I’ve been too… and I had some interesting ones over Xmas.
I have been ‘on the road’ for a month now… So I thought I would give you a taster of some of the jobs I’ve been to, what I’ve witnessed and experienced and, of course, share some of my stories…
My First Day
I started at Adderbury station (2 miles form home) on the 15th December, third manning (i.e. I go out with a crew as a third member and watch what they do). I was going for a night shift,
At
We got there and waited some more. I was getting bored as I wanted to witness some stuff and not watch TV all night. Another paramedic came to the ASAP. He had just been working on the motorway after an earlier crash. Then the phone went… We had a job on the motorway!!!
I had to sit in the back of the ambulance as we made our way there. A guy stuck in the traffic (for 5 hours) because of the earlier crash had started to feel unwell, rung the police asking how long it would be before the motorway re-opened and they diverted his call to us. All we knew was he was in a black Vauxhall Astra in the middle lane.
After trundling along the hard shoulder on blues, we somehow found him, walked him to the ambulance, warmed him up, gave him a drink and then he got a blue-lighted ambulance escort off the motorway as he felt okay to drive again. He had recently had a major operation. We had to pass the scene of the accident to get off the motorway. It looked pretty nasty. The police were on scene taking photos and generally faffing about. They let the ambulance pass through. We filled out the necessary paperwork and then went on our way.
After some more waiting at base, we were asked to go to Banbury ASAP. I was sat in the back… and suddenly noticed we were driving a lot faster and bluer than we should be. We got to an address in Banbury, where it was suspected a guy had had an overdose. The paramedics were familiar with him, as he had done it before. Last time the police had kicked his door down to reach him. Sure enough… his door was boarded up with wood. This time, it was unlocked so in we went. His flat was impressively tidy and well kept. He was an alcoholic living by himself and couldn’t remember what he had been up to that evening. God knows who made the 999 call but we decided to take him into the Horton hospital for a check up. The nurses recognised him.
Some more waiting… then off we go to another ASAP. I was in the back of the ambulance (noticing a pattern to this?) when, wait a second, we were on a blue light drive again. We got to the scene. I had no idea what had happened… I didn’t want to ask lots of questions, but we walked into a house where a paramedic from another trust was checking over a baby. Mum and dad were looking worried and all the house dogs were in cages howling to one another. I’m guessing the baby had convulsed; parents had panicked and understandably dialled 999.
A baby’s brain isn’t completely developed. If a baby gets too hot, instead of sweating and reaching for a cool glass of water, a baby will suffer a febrile convulsion. I’m guessing this is what had happened, but we don’t take any chances so we took mum and baby to the hospital.
That happened about
It’s amazing to think how just twenty-six letters can be used to create every word in the English language. But don’t get too blasé about that fact, as it may be naïve to think it. Lets start with everyone’s favourite letter, ‘X’. As well as marking the spot, all the exciting (see!!!) words contain the letter X. For example, example, and of course, the obvious one, xylophone. Everything with an X in instantly becomes cool. Malcolm X, X rated films, a brand of lager, triple X –that movie starring Vin Diesel (actually that might be the eXception).
‘A’ sounds like a confused Scouser. ‘B’ is an insect. And in my opinion Z (zed) should be called ‘zee’. In fact, I think it’s the only Americanism we should adopt. Why? Is between X and Z, but I ask why should we adopt ‘zee’ and drop ‘zed’. Well, recite the alphabet. I’ll give you a few seconds to do that… When you reach ‘zed’ it’s like hitting the wrong note on a piano. Try it using ‘zee’ and the alphabet rhymes throughout!
This brings me onto another point; I’m sure everyone sings the alphabet, instead of just monotone, speaking it.
There’s one letter that really pisses me off. ‘W’. Whoever named the letters back in the day ran out of ideas when they got to W.
They must have thought ‘It looks a bit like two U’s… we’ll call it ‘double U’!
Why isn’t ‘m’ called ‘double n’ for instance? Or ‘C’ called ‘incomplete ‘O’?
It must have been a little ‘w’ when it was being named. If it had been a capital it would have been called ‘double V’. Its three syllables long for God’s sake. It’s easier to say ‘world wide web’ than ‘w w w’. In fact we should do what the kiwis do, and say ‘dub dub dub’ instead. ‘W’ also crops up in some horrible places, such as ‘George W Bush’ and even then its not said properly (dubya). I mean, even if you spell ‘double U’, it doesn’t contain a ‘W’. No other letter does that… well, maybe ‘C’ actually. Yes, ‘W’ really fucks me off.
Oh, and for all you people who say ‘haitch’, it’s actually spelt ‘aitch’. With an ‘A’. Suggestions for a new name for W on the back of a postcard please. Or the front. I’m not bothered.
‘Q’ and ‘U’ next. Q is like a loyal, loving boyfriend and U is like the mouse that plays. Poor old Q, goes to
HIJKLMNO is H2O, which spells water. ‘P’ is the letter that follows. The twelfth letter is one ‘ell of a letter. ‘Y’ is like a substitute teacher. It only goes in words the other vowels don’t want. ‘E’s are good’, if you can find the right dealer. ‘I is’, is grammatically incorrect. ‘I am’ is more like it.
G and O can go before saying ‘I don’t know’.
“Gee, I don’t know.”
“Oh, I don’t know.”
N E way, time for me to GO,
C U next time.
We are all aware of those probabilities that make you feel small and insignificant. You know the ones I’m on about… ‘The chances of life evolving on the Earth’… ‘The chance meetings of all your ancestors, eventually leading to you’… ‘The chance of that sperm meeting that egg to produce you’. They quote one final mind bogglingly small figure and end with “The chances of you being here to read this are amazing”. Then you go off feeling like you should and can achieve anything… until something else grabs your attention.
Well I hope this, my first, Tamblog grabs your attention and I hope that it doesn’t ruin your chances of achieving anything. But I believe that one very important and quite amazing probability is missing. I think it deserves a special mention because one happened just the other day. The last one to happen over the
As far as I understand it, solar eclipses are just perfect. The moon and sun are the right distance and right size, in relation to the Earth’s position, to occasionally produce the perfect astronomical anomaly. Now and then, all three align in the right order. People stood in the right place underneath this alignment are treated to a very rare, and brief, sight.
If the moon was a bit bigger, or a bit smaller, or a bit closer to us, or a bit further away, a solar eclipse wouldn’t be the same special event it is. Please re-read that sentence again but substitute ‘sun’ for ‘moon’. The same is still true and the probability of perfect solar eclipses occurring exponentially decreases.
I’ve thought short and soft about solar eclipses. About why they happen and the large probability against them occurring, but the fact the sun and moon appear to be the same size in the sky must mean something is going on. Doesn’t it? I have three theories…
Perhaps astronomers looking for alien life should focus their attention on looking for planets with satellites (moons) which would produce perfect soar eclipses. Anyway, that was my dreary theory, dearie. It is dreary because it has dropped the chances of life occurring elsewhere in the Universe by a factor or two. Please feel free to pick holes in it (My theory, not the Universe).
Let’s not forget the power solar eclipses can have though. One once brought about a truce between two sides waged in battle; in the years BC, two Chinese astrologers had their heads cut off for failing to predict one; and of course, one once saved our second favourite journalist, Tintin, from being sacrificed by natives.
During totality, which never lasts longer than seven minutes, the sun is completely covered by the moon. The suns corona (or solar flares*) can be seen from Earth. This is the only time scientists can observe them with the naked eye, so it is a fairly busy few minutes of data recording for them. Then the poor old scientist has to wait around for a bit, book some flights and hope it’s not a cloudy day to see the next one. Going back to one of my earlier points, if the moon was slightly bigger, it would obscure the corona during an eclipse. If the moon was a bit smaller, it would just appear as a dark spot in front of the sun. Again the corona would not be visible.
The next solar eclipse will occur on
*Solar flares result from explosions on the suns surface which spit out highly charged particles. A very violent solar flare came within a few million miles of Earth (a gnat’s foreskin when talking about solar system distances), seven years ago. It could have stripped the Earth of its atmosphere as well as bombarding us with lethal doses of high energy radiation, thus, effectively ending life as we know it. It did knock out some spy and communications satellites orbiting the planet. However it was relatively ignored by the media as it occurred just after the terrorist events of
